Internet + Late Night = WTF?
So, there is a sort of internet truth out there that I have been witness to tonight: What has been seen, cannot be unseen. (Please refer to fig. 1 for a visual example of this truth.)
It began with Boas and me discussing nothing of importance, as we tend to do after a few rounds of Dawn of War. I was talking about The Dark Knight and then wondered if Iron Man was still showing at any theater around here. It wasn’t, but over the course of looking over movies I started reading reviews of the latest work by the man responsible for retroactively raping my childhood. I saw a few gave it an “F” and as such, I had to read those.
I found this gem by Roger Ebert while reading. This quote, in particular is the stuff legends are made of:
You know you’re in trouble when the most interesting new character is Jabba the Hutt’s uncle. The big revelation is that Jabba has an infant to be kidnapped. The big discovery is that Hutts look like that when born, only smaller. The question is, who is Jabba’s wife? The puzzle is, how do Hutts copulate? Like snails, I speculate. If you don’t know how snails do it, let’s not even go there. The last thing this movie needs is a Jabba the Hutt sex scene.
Unfortunately, Boas decided that I really needed to know precisely how snails copulated, so he sent me a link to some really weird dramatic interpretation on the subject, Green Porno. Click “now showing” and watch. It’s office safe too, as long as the people around you won’t die if they hear the word “anus.” Don’t worry, while it will burn an image in your mind, it’s no Goatse. It’s more weird than anything else.
So, now I know how snails do it. Earthworms too. What has been seen, cannot be unseen.